kAzE...

2012-01-26T04:57:00.001+08:00

Only your texts can make me smile.

I am so dead....

2012-01-25T02:24:00.001+08:00

THE BIG BIG PROBLEM IS, I STILL MISS YOUR MESSAGES!! HOW!?!?!? ITS REALLY HARD TO GET OVER!

2012-01-23T05:04:00.002+08:00

Second day, well i cant believe i actually switch off my handphone to prevent me from looking at it all the time for your msgs. The truth is my phone signal did not cut off and i am really trying to avoid you. But...i cant bear to avoid you. FML...you are the first girl who can make me miss you until i can cry like dog. Serious. Till the day i forget you...

I went to fb and i found out that you and him actually came from a very very long time till now. Compared to me, mine's like peanuts. Anyways, i shouldnt think so much. I believe i can make it through until at least i graduate.

2012-01-22T05:47:00.002+08:00

Really feel sad and pissed off coz my work pay is not in yet since 7th of january 2012. I really need that money to do alot of things. Buying CNY clothes which until now CNY's eve, i have not bought. And to sign up for dance courses. FML...

2012-01-22T05:37:00.004+08:00

The first day of not trying to contact her has ended. But it failed, coz i tweeted. But even if i did not tweet, i still fail coz from the moment i woke up, i thought of her already. Its like wierd, whatever i do today, reminds me of her. Even when i am doing things that has absolutely no link to her, it somehow linked back to her, not in terms of thinking of her but things that appeared before me reminds me. An example was when i went to buy noodles for dinner which turns out to be sold out but when i ordered the mince meat noodle, i said 'yu yuan rou chuo mian, shou mian' then the word 'shou mian' reminded me of that time at clementi mall ordering at EAT. with her and i said 'shou mian' and she thought i was asking for cooked noodle.

It just seems like i did quite alot of my things in my daily life since about a month back with her. I HAVE TO GET OVER!!!!!

2012-01-20T23:46:00.002+08:00

A few more minutes to 12am. Throughtout this week of loft with you, i tried my best to take care of you to my limits. I cant go overboard too because you are attached but i hope you can feel my care and love for you. Sometimes, its not that other guys dun wan to show that they can take care of you but because the restrictions are there which is you have a bf.

From the msg i type for you on the last night of loft, i said that you are sandwich between feelings for him and attachment for him. I just feel that if you are with him for the sake of attachment only, then i rather you both go separate because the longer you drag, the more pain he feels. I am just saying this because i feel that he will really be hurt more if he founds out things only after a long time when that has been present since a long long time ago. Kind of unfair to him.

Ok i shall not meddle with your both anymore. Its kind of wierd i think. From after 12am onwards, my mind will only be thinking of how to get over you. I wont think so much anymore and expect any other things. I give you and him my blessings. Treasure this relationship! :)

I love you silly grandma.

2012-01-20T03:51:00.000+08:00

I am always other people's substitute...gotten used to it...

2012-01-20T03:18:00.002+08:00

When you see this post, it maybe over already, but at this time now, i am posting this post on the last night of loft on the 19 of january. Just after you fell asleep. How i wish time can just stop now. I can say i am selfish or what but i just wish at this point of time, you are single and available. I cant imagine if its wrist cutting guy who is at where i am now, maybe he may not be able to control himself and just pounce on you. I really wan to confess to you but i got no balls to do that coz i cant take rejection. I am really afraid i may end up like wrist cutter. I really have to get over you. Really, i can see that you totally have no feelings for me and will not have feelings for me no matter how close we are...

2012-01-18T11:22:00.003+08:00

The days i stay with you in loft is over soon. Really thanks alot for accompanying me until late at night. Thinking about the first night, i asked you why you nvr ask him to stay in loft with you. You said last week he stayed already then you ownself also dun noe why you nvr ask him this week. I just think that i am thinking alot. This is so sian really. How i really wish you wouldnt be attached. I dun noe if you are really simple minded but yesterday, i was like saying i like older girls, then i said if you werent attached, i would chase you. Its like i am being so obvious liao. I guess i shouldnt think sooo much also. But dun worry, in future lets say if you break with him, i will mind being a substitue but i wont mind lending you a shoulder to cry on.

2012-01-12T12:17:00.003+08:00

Sometimes when i get so close to you, i just sort of open up to you. But, i have to keep telling myself that you are already attached. There's just this moment of time when i wish you weren't attached so i dun have to worry so much about how will he thinks if i get too close to you. I am so sorry to say, i have to slowly distance myself from you because i realised i just cant totally cut off contact with you. I hope that you understand that you are already attached and he needs you more. Shall slowly make myself forget you. Its really a pain.

2012-01-04T00:58:00.002+08:00

sometimes, its not that i do not want to tell you this and that when you ask me if i am okay because, if you were to know that I LIKE YOU, you would have known why will i not be okay. So i will just tell you i am fine but inside, well...i am so not :(

I do not even know when will i forget you but from my second previous post from this post, i had told myself that i shall not let you distract me from today which is 4/1/12 onwards. I do not want to lie to you therefore whatever lies that i told you, i will post it in this blog to make myself less guilty. Honestly, if you are not attached, i will try to chase you. To me, age gap does not matter, and whats more its just a few months between us.

Since you have been able to read my expressions so easily which is why will you ask me if i am okay, i shall just tell you why i am not alright. Its like whenever i see you and earlobe, i just get this jealousy automatically. Of cause i will be jealous, because i like you. Well i know i have to control it, that is why i walk further from you all and approach others. I do not want to let you read my face if not you will know this and that.

Anyways, i really have to wait till i have forgotten you then we 3 can really go out normally like that time at thai express.

2012-01-04T00:57:00.000+08:00

yay, i have a reader! anyways, you noe who you are can liao...

2012-01-03T10:06:00.002+08:00

I will make sure that today is the last day i let you distract my mind. I really miss those times when you needed me and rushing me to school. I am sure its the battery lifespan theory even if you do not agree with me. But well...i just gotta accept it because we met way too many times already. I may not have gotten sian of you first but i noe you are kind of sick of me. Sometimes, i dun wan to feel this way but i feel that when i need you now, you are not there. I just feel kind of sad really. I really hope by keeping a distance away from you for some time, we may be back to last time again. I am so sorry for meeting you too many times and taking up your time. Maybe its just because you do not want to hurt me that is why you do not want to tell me the truth that you are actually getting bored of me. But anyways, i really enjoyed the moment where it was just me and you teasing each other. Just be happy as you are now and i will be happy too.

2011-12-31T22:23:00.002+08:00

Its the last day of 2011, and i promise myself i would change to a better person by the end of the year, and so, i am going to do it. My new year resolution : do not think so much and just let nature takes its course

Easy and simple goal, i am sure i can do it. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

2011-12-31T05:26:00.006+08:00

Sometimes, thinking back is not a bad thing, for me that is. Who would have thought i will be back liking her. While posting my previous post, i was thinking, how good will it be if i had forgotten about kit yi, but what made me forget her is me liking someone else whom i liked before.

I just have so much to say to you but i simply cant. For the reason you being attached already. I am so sorry that i lied to you so many times. After the talk we had yesterday, i realised that you are the only girl who knows me just by looking at my actions. Just like what you said, we do not even know each other for very long and only a few months back, we got closer. Sometimes, when face to face, i really want to hug you and tell you how much i love to be with you and how much i like you but you are already someone else's. I know i sound like a third party here but i am not that kind of person so i am holding back as much as i can so i will not spoil your current relationship. I do not want you to feel awkward with me like how the other and you became. I do not want to spoil the friendship that we are having now. You asked me on the phone if i like you or not, how am i suppose to tell you? I wil never know what will happen after i told you. We may not even be friends. I am so sorry that i answered you that i like you as a brother would to an older sister. To me, age does not matter in relationships. But not to worry, no matter what happens to you in the future even if you are married, you still have me as your brother. Even if no one wants you, and even if i am married, i will still take care of you like how a brother would to an older sister. You have my word, but provided you wont mind having me to tease you everyday.

The reason i will say until i want to take care of you is because i feel that we just have this mutual understanding of each other like how you always say. I hope one day, you will understand me like an older sister would to her younger brother. I sincerely hope you will end up being with man you most wanted and get together happily. I will be happy for you :D

I really have alot to say to you but i think its only here in my blog that i can say. Social webs are just too scary.

I LOVE YOU.

I guess i will only let you see this either after i had forgotten to like you or after i am attached.

2011-11-20T10:49:00.002+08:00

Time flies so fast, how i wish i had just posted my previous post at that date, nothing had started, nothing had misunderstood~i think this is the only place i can pour out my feelings coz nobody who knows both of us will read this. I guess i just to call her kit yi since google is so good that it can search her actual name out and this blog is known...being honest, i like kit yi and i can say its not a crush or something, the more i hang out with her though with other frens, the feelings gets deeper and its like i noe that its impossible for us to be together...though ppl ask me to try at least and not give up without even putting in any effort, but her world is just so hard to break through or its just simply because she and i are just two different people. I dun noe how to entertain her like other guys, i only know how to keep quiet and wait for a chance when i have to ask her something then will i be able to talk to her. Sometimes, its not because i dun wan to chat with her, but there isnt any topic between us to talk about. I can say that i can get jealous easily which is a bad thing because she is a kind of person who make frens with guys even faster than how she makes frens with girls. This is really hard~

2011-10-11T06:08:00.006+08:00

SBC has ended yesterday morning or rather the day before yesterday...come to think of it, i was really looking forward to SBC, to have fun with the campers but, on the day just before the actual Day 1 started, my gluteal muscles got torn and there goes chance of camping...

i remembered on Day 0, the PCs had started the camp for preparations before the actual day, and so we prepared the logistics, the loft to stay, and everything went smoothly...so i had my CCA on that night and i can still remember myself looking at the time in loft ready to leave for CCA at 6.45pm...i still remembered promising the others to bring back 1 pack of jolly shandy for them after my CCA and the door between me and them closes as i walked to the lift of the loft apartment...

45 mins later i reached my CCA training place and as usual do the warm ups and stretching of my leg and here comes the worst part, at 8pm, my leg got over stretched and my gluteal muscles got torn, i laid down for about 30 mins unable to move and i msged my PH that the possibility of going to camp is 10%, well, i am sad that such thing happened but at that time i was still happy because i still have 10% chance of going back to camp...

on that day, i went to the AnE department of NUH, seen the doctor, and the doctor told me that for the next 2 weeks i have to rest at home and rest for the recovery and i wont be able to do wushu for the 2 weeks which also means no dancing for 2 weeks too, at that moment, i was really going to break down because i noe that my 10% had become 0%. On my way back to loft, to take back my bags, i almost teared and when i walked up to the lift of the loft apartment, the stairs seems as though its like a never ending feat. i still manage to get up and to the loft unit and when i saw the others, i was so happy and all of them were busy doing preparations for the camp! but only for that moment, i was glad to see them...but i couldnt be with them...Then after taking my bags, Eng Kong helped me down the lift and Denise joined in at 5th floor...I must really thank them...

When i reached home, 4 flight of stairs awaits me and every step i climb is like a excruciating pain triggering button...when i reached into my house, i cant even bend down to take off my shoes...the feeling is just too unbearable...however i got over everything and took my bath and went online, i can see that the PCs were still awake doing preparations, and i am like at home doing nth...had some small conver over FB and i went to sleep. The thing is i cant even lie down normally, i have to slowly move my body to the middle of my bed...

the next day, i have to get up with the help of the crutches, i really felt so weak at that time...but i made up my mind that i wan to go for the camp so for that day, i tried to rest as much as possible so i can go join the others the next day which is Day 2. so i made arrangement to have my father fetch me to school to meet the PCs the next day. I remembered that i could not fell asleep because i was too happy that i can join in the camp next day...

In the next morning, i felt better but still needed something to support me as i get off bed, but nevertheless, i felt super happy that i get to see them in 2 hours time, after my bath, my father fetched me to makan place where the campers will be having their breakfast, when i got off the car, i walked up the stairs and saw the ICT society president and vice president, then Tina clique having breakfast thought splited up, i was really happy, they told me to go up to the attic to meet Ai Ping to put my stuffs, when i reached, she was dancing there, well, i wanted to dance too but i cant however, just being there, makes me satisfied. I went over to the table and i saw the cameras borrowed from ICT and i took a look at the pictures and i saw how much fun the campers had!

After awhile, i went to sit and use my laptop when my WELFARE IC, Jie Yi came! Without her, i guess i wouldnt even survive in the camp with my injury...I was so happy to see her and we chatted for awhile until she got a call that one of the camper was injured. Then i went to the toilet and on my way back, i saw Izzdin and Gavin, they helped me back to the attic and told me about the running man games going on. Then i slowly followed them down to the first floor and chat with some of the campers, then i followed Vincent down to the atrium, though the journey there was downslope, but my happiness made me forget about the pain at that time...when i reached the atrium, i saw Shi Ying, Jie Yi and Lina the skittles. Then i help with the planting of the marbles packs for the game.

Slowly, campers showed up to play the game at atrium and eventually all the campers reached and we had lunch there after the running man game ended. The PCs came to join us too and when they saw me, they were shocked and asked if i am alright, well, i say i am if nt i would be chased back home. LOLs, anyways, we had chats there and soon it was the wet games, i walked slowly to the admin field with the help of Melvin and we sat there while the PCs prepare the wet games items. Seeing the campers play the wet games, the sliding game, the sponge game, made me wanna join in but i noe my own situation so i just stand by the side and watch them...After that, during the packing up of stuffs, i went into the toilet where the floor was slippery to wash my legs because of the mud, on my way out, i slide off the toilet floor but i force myself to balance causing the sharp pain. Then just nice Eng Kong came in and saw me, he helped me out to the chairs near Cheers where skittles told me to wait for her there while she take her stuffs from loft and we took the cab down to TJ for dance...

At TJ, i saw the dancers there and Irene was doing her sharing, i really wanted to join but impossible so i sat there watching them dance, and the next sharing, and the following sharing, for a total of 3 hours, now i realise how important legs are to people especially those who needs their legs to do their sports...When reached home, i felt kind of empty because i dun get to see the PCs and campers, so i decided to go for the Day 3 of the camp. Initially i did not intend to stay overnight on Day 3 but i packed my stuffs enough to stay for 1 more day.

On Day 3, my father fetch me to loft. At the lobby, i saw a group of black shirts and they turn out to be the PCs on their way to Mac to buy breakfast for the campers, then Shi Ying called me to take my shirt on the floor of the loft unit. So i went up, saw Vincent, Skittles, Jie Yi, Wen Jie and Kah Seng sleeping. So i took my shirt and woke Jie Yi up by the sound of the plastic bag. After Jie Yi took her bath, we, the Welfare team went to wake the campers up and its like finally i get to do the job of wad i am suppose to do for the camp...Then Jie Yi and Me made our way to canteen 2 where the campers will be having their breakfast. I really must thank Jie Yi for helping me with the overhead bridge from the loft apartment to canteen 2. She is really a good Welfare IC. After having the Mac breakfast, the campers and PCs went to the sports hall to have the last mass game of the camp. Though i very much want to join in but the game requires running so forget it. Then we had the auction event for the campers to spend their marbles earned throughout the camp. Then we watched the montage done by Ian, and here we ended SBC 2011. The PCs took group pictures and the different camp teams also took their group pictures.

After that, the PCs went to pack up the canvas sheet used in the wet games, and we went to the ALumni Clubhouse to have our lunch. Then our table was like joking of my injury, it was super funny. Anyways i am also ok with jokes, lols.

There's still more fun things going on after lunch but i just wan to keep it as memories...

Without Jie Yi, I wouldnt be able to make it for the 2 days there. I just really wan to say a big THANK YOU to her and sorry for pissing Skittles and her off...anyways, they wont be able to see this blog too, HAHA, yea...END

2011-10-04T02:23:00.005+08:00

On one Saturday, after turning off my computer ready to go out of my house, i heard a cry which goes 'meowwwww~~~', normally i do not get to hear the meow so loud and clear from my house if its some stray cats at the void deck purring so i immediately look out at my door and a pair of beady eyes looked at me. My first reaction was to chase it away and i did, with a broom! But my gate was locked and so it hid behind some junks in my house, and in the end, i opened the gate and it went out and hid inside a big overturned flower pot.

On my way off, i looked back at the pot, i can see the eyes looking at me as i tried to make it follow me down to the void deck but it just stayed inside the pot. As i was in a rush, i just went off and i thought that the cat will go off by itself...It was 3.30pm plus at that time.

So i went out for BBQ with my FYP friends and after that went to meet my DF friends whom i pangsehed until it was 12am plus then i reached back home.

On my way up the stairs, i was wondering if it is still hiding inside the pot, so i quietly walked up and i saw the black figure outside my gate. I really did not expect it to be outside from 3pm to 12am. I walked into my house and from outside, the same beady eyes looked at me and so i sat just beside the gate watching it play around. It was doing the body roll over and playing around outside my gate.

I took my laptop and started showing dog pictures to see how she will react and she was like staring at the laptop screen in daze. So, for about 30 minutes, i was looking at her from inside my house as she looked at me crawling on my gate. After awhile, she started pouncing around as if she is catching her prey, i was wondering what she was doing so i went to search the net on cat's behaviour and i found out that it is an action which cats use to show that they want to play. So i thought of a ball or something so i went to search but i cannot find any so i went back to her.

Then she began to scratch my gate and running behind the pot showing her tail only. She then came out and scratch my gate and went behind the wall and hide then she slowly stick out her head and looked at me. Then i just have this feeling that she wanted to play hide and seek with me. I then thought of finding something for her to play so i went on to search my room to find some string to curl into a ball for her. Then i saw the sewing thread. Unfortunately, it is too thin for me to curl so i went back to her and she looked at me and started purring. I went back to search again and i saw the friendship band which i made about 2 years ago so i thought of tying it into a ball for her.

I went back to her and sat by the gate tying the ball, she looked at me wondering what was i doing then she went back to the pot and leaped around. After i was done with the ball, she was hiding behind the wall and looking elsewhere, i then stick out my hand with the ball and trying to get her attention to look at the ball. She looked at me then she turn away. I then threw the ball on the ground outside and she did not bother about it. I brought my laptop back then i walk to her again.

At that time she walked towards me and looked at me then she saw the ball. The first thing she did was smelling it then she began playing with it. I looked at her as she bite and play with the ball. Then i went to take a bath. After that i went out to her and she was lying on one of the other smaller pots and curl as she sleeps. So i did not want to disturb her so i went to do my stuffs on my laptop and when i walked out again, she was GONE~

I kept on walk out to my gate and she was never there again...

That very night...
The next morning...
The next night...
The following morning...
The following night...

she was never to be seen again...

playing outside my gate~
doing her body roll~
playing hide and seek~
pouncing here and there~
purring as she looked at me~

I MISS HER...

2011-09-24T20:17:00.002+08:00

Been out in the morning, not really early morning, with the Halloween PCs, they are a bunch of capable people! Its so different from meetings with scouts, not saying that the scouts are bad but just that the meeting in poly are for larger scale events which scouts can never be able to carry out because of so many restrictions~~~

Anyways, just watched the animated film Rio, and it is very nice to watch i must say. Each time i watch an animated film, i will start to wonder when will i have the chance to have my name in the credits! But of coz only the people at the top of the industry can be able to do that, i have been thinking why did i join this course in the first place, to just be exposed to the making process of such incredible animated films or learning to be part of it in future, though i have not been working hard since Year 1, i must still say that the road is tough even for the top people in the industry for just the making of 1 film...

i have decided to study something else after i graduate from this course but then, the part where i have the knowledge on how to apply what i learnt in poly really still interest me...i guess i will study that something different and at the same time, explore the skills i have learnt in poly!

2011-09-12T19:38:00.004+08:00

One should pray that they will come out handsome before they are born...

Ugly people are just being isolated...like me

2011-09-09T03:31:00.002+08:00

Feel like just killing myself...

people who knows me well enough will know i have this problem...this problem is like going to affect me for my whole life...

i dun understand y i cant be like a normal person...just because of this problem...i am being treated like shyt...

outsiders just wont understand me coz you guys do not have this problem...

y am i not like other guys?? they can get a girlfren whenever they wan, i cant! and never can...

2011-09-09T01:35:00.004+08:00

SO~ i will be taking BaJi Quan for the 3rd year in IVP, looks like my worst rival is not in...

more or less, it could either be my rival's physical problem or simply, the upstairs wants to give me the chance to win a medal...

come to think of it, i believe i can win the medal on my own and not by other people giving me chance...its kind of demoralising if this is the actual reason...

anyways, wanted to take SanJieGun for this year's IVP but i have been told i dun have the time...

actually i realised that i screwed myself up when i heard that i have no time...because...most of the trainings are not caused by FYP, but myself, my own mental barrier...

i mean, i am just being honest now because i dun see the point of using FYP as an excuse...gotta face this reality that its my own fault...

2011-09-06T00:22:00.002+08:00

The previous post supposed to be posted long ago...lols

Just had the YNDA concert yesterday or rather 4th Sept...though other people may think that its just a dance concert but then again, the dancers really put in months of hardwork and practice to make it a successful one.

Its really fun on the stage though i cant dance as well as the seniors obviously...but i am sure we all had lots of fun practising together and rushing for costume change in between items...

FUN AND TIRING~

I will definitely join next year again and i will aim for more items!

2011-09-06T00:21:00.001+08:00

nobody will understand how i feel unless you are in my family...

i will have this thinking is because what outsiders see are only the surface of matters and not in depth, so what gives you all the right to butt in?

its better for outsiders to just listen and forget about it the next day...

its kind of pointless to explain it anyways, my family problems, is an ongoing thing that is ultimately caused by one person, my mother...

what is all these with the Mother's day and what Mothers are the best in the world??

In my family, such things will never happen unless there's a miracle...

everyone is suppose to like their parents, but in my case, its just so hard for me~'

its not my fault that is causing all these strangeness but believe it or not, the person at fault is my mother...

i think that she is making life difficult for everybody...

anyways, i have been dancing for about 6 months already, i have been thinking, is this the right passion for me? well, i can say i dun have that kind of burning passion for dancing even until now~

but all i know is that, dancing is the only thing that can interest me and make me happy...

except for one thing...

i kind of envy people who are born normally, well the problem that i am facing now has nth much related to injuries that cause people to be abnormal but rather, my body is not perfect...

there's nth i can do about it and it will definitely affect me in dancing...

nobody knows how sad am i because all of you all are born without body defects...

i guess, i am just not cut out for performing arts?

but then again, i will continue dancing unless there's really a big issue about this defect!

2011-05-17T04:29:00.002+08:00

Chionging Maya halfway, thought of so much things~

Many people say that one should be oneself and not change for others...

well, maybe not many people say but i definitely heard it before~

But in my opinion, i think one should change, however, not to change for the other, but for the better...

I can say that i did change from when i first stepped into NP till now, but the thing is, the more i try to change, the more people whom i used to friend with, lessens~

Is it really because of 'face problem' or i simple ain't hip and cool??

Its really pissing me off...but what can i do?

Without friends, what's there in life that lies for me?

2011-05-10T23:27:00.002+08:00

haiz...wushu~
kind of sad when i heard that i not in the nationals when i was told i was in last time...
i am like the only year 3 who never got in...

seriously y is wushu like this, always looking down on people who is not up to standard and taking them out from competitions...
sucks man...so what u guys are better and good? is just that u guys started much much more earlier than me...
its really discrimination...fk u all

2011-05-02T02:54:00.002+08:00

ok for once, i shall not post something negative~

hmms, y do ppl like to go clubbing?
is it that fun?
lols, i think its just the same as asking frens over and playing some upbeat music till the whole block hears it and just bounce to the beat...

2011-04-30T16:55:00.002+08:00

sometimes is not that i do not want to join...
its just that i do not know if i am accepted by everyone inside...

because...i am ugly, stupid, not trendy, dress like shyt~

well, the only reasons i can think of because i do not really have any good points~
or any common topics with you all...right?

2011-04-27T09:56:00.002+08:00

sometimes i just dun get it, why is this world so realistic
you got bad results, people avoid you, dun give a damn about you
but when you got good results, people treat you like god

well, the working society is like this but now, even classmates are like this
seriously fuck this~

wushu is the same thing, lousy = outcasted
fuck this too~

2011-04-23T01:30:00.003+08:00

for some reasons, i just cant make new frens...
is it because i am too outdated already or its simply face problem...
this is really pissing me off...

haiz...this is so crap like seriously, i just feel that i dun belong to this world, being outcasted like some parasite...

being treated like a nobody, being treated a transparent...

even frens who used to be my chatting and hanging out frens are drifting more and more apart...

crap this...

2011-04-22T18:41:00.003+08:00

SCHOOL's STARTED! Actually i am not that excited about school, instead i wish my third year never comes...because...i simply want to go back to year 1 and restart again, this kind of gpa, cant bring me anywhere~anyways, look forward i guess, i have decided to restudy animation after NS...for now...hope i can~

FYP really crap people up witht he groupings and stuffs, well firstly, because of the fact that its the last year of poly and everybody wants to get into a group which can do well as well as a group which has good ideas and concept~
i will not say that i am trying to shoot other people or whoever because i myself will also think this way~its like its the last year already, who doesn't want to do well...

For me, i just hope that by choosing the right group, other group member will not be mad at me(provided if they do)...i do understand the need of people for each group to do different FYPs but u all have to understand me too...well i can say if because of this and friendships gets edgy, i guess its kind of a petty thinking~

Just wish that FYP can be done individually then there will not be any disputes or whatever unsatisfaction between people...

ANYWAYS~grouping has been done, lets just all the YEAR 3s work hard and get through the last year of poly...

its kind of wierd because i can remember dance steps but i cant remember my wushu routine~is it because wushu has no music to go with it? lols

2011-04-14T02:16:00.003+08:00

everybody basically needs somewhere or somebody which he/she can pour his/her heart out at or to...that's what i think, even if he/she thinks that he/she dont need it, think again that when you are down, does he/she bottle it up or at the very least, vent it out somewhere~

so, as for me, i have no one to pour my heart to, so i have to come here and shoot whatever that's on my mind...

Dear 'smiley face' tagger, if you happen to read this post, just want to tell you that even if i want to complain here, you can choose not to read it or just read it and forget it...its all on free will i guess~

Seriously speaking, i will really be contented with whatever position that i am in provided that there's a proper management team.
In my secondary school CCA which i am still in, i am willing to say that i am happy there because the upper management deserves my respect...i will only complain when there's a need to...

If tagger 'smiley face' happens to be in the same event as me, you can see how the management team works...after the day i complained for the first time, i realised that i am not the only one complaining about the whole thing.

It looks like you are not in the same event as me that is why you are shooting me in the tagbox saying it will be more sucks if i be the president but the reason i will complain because the standard is even lower than my cca in secondary school, well its just not what i like to see when an event is not properly planned since i have been through it and i promise if any events are given to me, it will be the best efforts that i will put in~

~back to my own blog~
the camp has been over for 2 weeks and well, at least they know that they have not done a good job, so i shall not say so much since its over
but seriously i really think everyone looks down on me because for the orientation week, i am still a GM despite being able to be SB for the other two days which i dun noe if it still stands after the poor management team had some internal conflicts after the trial session...anyways, i really have nothing to say...its just so crap~

Been to the Cougar Scouts chalet after the trial session in school, actually i was really very sleepy after the camp the whole week but i still manage to go to the chalet because i know i have to see them before i start to drift away from them...some people may think i go back because the chalet is free but truthfully, i went back because i want to bond with the newcomers, at least i get to meet the lao jiaos of my batch or rather just jun shan and jia yi, keong and the following batch, yiting and jin wei

Now everyone getting busy and poly life really sucking all the time...to meet them is like harder than forcing myself to do my assignments, well the chalet really let us have a happy time together, having BBQ and talk nonsense, though i never stay overnight, sorry jun shan~

Yesterday was last day of my work, lols, had a great time there actually though i feel sleepy everyday i go there, maybe its because i am not into that kind of office environment but nevertheless, i learnt quite alot of new things in the IT department, the CPU and stuffs...

Back to myself, i cant believe myself learning something that i nvr expect myself to be learning besides Jap language and wushu and it has nvr crossed my mind to learn it too...well of coz, it will be remained as a secret...not going to say it out in this blog because this blog is not really that isolated from the world...wait and see shall we~~

Currently in the event for school, and really, i think that people who can dance really look down on those who cant...i just cant take it or maybe they just look down on me...i really think i am ugly and i dun even dare to look at the mirror but then is it a crime? why dont u all just kill me since i am such an eyesore...sucks shyt...

Another thing is that people like to look down on others who are not as trendy as them, who wears like crap, no style, like uncle~haiz, its just so crap seriously, i noe i cant dress nicely...and i look like some old man...

Hmms, why do Gays get despised on? its nt that i am doing a survey or wad but i realised, nt everyone is as open minded as to accept gays...i happen to say that i am a gay to my fren and the first thing he does is he move back away from me...lols, the reaction is just not what i expected...and now i dun noe its because of wad, i just jokingly say i am a gay to my another fren, for a month, when i try to tok to him, he was like trying to keep a distance away from me, like bo chap me, lols, the world is just too reserved, now i understand y am i stopped to say others r gay, its because the reaction that will be recieved may be avoidance...

2011-03-30T00:43:00.002+08:00

This camp totally sucks seriously~well i wish i can tell them this but i am not that kind of person who will overide authority. I seriously can feel that you guys dun even giv a damn fuck about me, so why would i bother to address the problems...You guys are only capable of pushing blame and pushing the responsibility...I can tell you guys that before we even come into the camp in the first place, you all should already thought of all these situations and plan and solve accordingly...what's the use of pushing blame and responsibility during the camp when its obviously a overlook of the planning committee and make it sounds like the leaders are at fault...You guys are like disgracing the campfire cheers and songs...why bother even using them when you guys cant even properly sing them...you guys really suck to the core...i can teach all these cheers and songs without 80% looking at the paper...FUCK OFF YOU GUYS...WHY BOTHER HOSTING A CAMP WHEN YOU GUYS SUCK SO MUCH? WHY ARE THE FRESHIES COMPLAINING ABOUT SO MANY THINGS? COZ YOU PLANNING COMMITTEE INSIST ON YOUR OWN WAYS! WHY BOTHER TO EVEN HAVE DEBRIEF WITH THE CAMPERS AND THE GLs AND GMs WHEN NOTHING OF WHAT WE SAY HAS ANY MEANINGS ON YOU ALL. AND 1 MORE VERY IMPORTANT THING THAT I REALLY WANT TO SHOOT THE PRESIDENT, WHAT'S WITH THE MINDSET OF STOPPING THE GAME HALFWAY DUE TO TIME CONSTRAINT? THE PURPOSE OF THIS CAMP IS TO BOND THE CAMPERS AND LET THEM HAVE FUN BUT STOPPING THE GAMES HALFWAY?? ISNT IT CONTRADICTING THE PURPOSE OF THE CAMP? WHY WILL THERE BE TIME CONSTRAINTS? IT IS BECAUSE YOU PLANNING COMMITTEE ARE NOT PLANNING PROPERLY, ITS A DAMN SIMPLE LOGIC TO UNDERSTAND...IF I HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO ASK YOU ALL STEP DOWN, I WILL DEFINITELY NOT SEE YOU ALL AS ONE OF THE PLANNING COMMITTEE...

SUCK TO THE CORE PCs, PHs and CCs...even the logistics can do a good job, that one i cant deny...

2011-03-16T22:50:00.003+08:00

i just dun understand what is the matter with all the committee members of all the organization, super fucked up people they have...its nt that i give my 100% respect to other ppl but i at least do respect people regardless of rank who are older than me...wad the fk is with these young kids being the committee?? committee member big shot? wtf...you are still young you fucked up ppl...seriously the freshies during my Yr 2 that came in really ruin my life upside down...every organization the same kind of typical ppl...how did you all even become part of the committee...

2011-03-12T15:09:00.003+08:00

this is my only place where i can scold and curse coz nobody will see it, well its good because i wont be creating trouble to myself...the camp thing is still in my mind, damn those committee ppl, haiz, i am going to show them wad's a cheer leader, fk them all

2011-03-11T18:39:00.001+08:00

DOES IT MEAN THAT IF A PERSON HAS NO IMPRESSION ON YOU ALL, YOU ALL CAN JUST DUN BOTHER ABOUT THAT PERSON? THAT'S NT ONE OF THE QUALITIES OF BEING A LEADER...YOU GUYS JUST SUCK TO THE CORE, DUN YOU ALL KNOW THAT, FUCKING NOOB LEADERS

2011-03-11T18:29:00.002+08:00

WHAT KIND OF EXCO ARE THESE PPL?? THEY ARE NT EVEN AT A STANDARD OF YUANCHING'S COUGAR SCOUT COMMITTEE. WHY BOTHER ORGANIZING SOMETHING WHEN ALL THE DETAILS ARE NOT PROPERLY FOUND OUT?? FUCKING SHYT YOU PPL, I REALLY DUN NOE HOW MANY FUCK YOU ALL I MUST SAY BEFORE I VENT THIS ANGER. I CAN SAY IF I WERE THE PRESIDENT, I WILL DEFINITELY RUN THIS THING BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU FUCKERS. IF OVER BUDGET, THEN CUT DOWN ON THOSE THAT ARE NOT NECESSARY, ITS LIKE COMMON SENSE...FUCK ALL THESE PPL...

2011-02-09T21:15:00.002+08:00

Its SOO YOUNG noona's birthday tomorrow, yay!!! well i am saying this to myself anyway, haha, nvm, i feel happy can already, at least i wish her in my personal blog!!! though i noe i cant meet her in person and get to noe her as a friend!!

STAY HAPPY ALWAYS SOO YOUNG !!!
Work hard, dance hard, play hard !!!
HAHA!! SOO YOUNG <3 always ~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOO YOUNG noona

2011-01-23T15:42:00.003+08:00

y is it so hard for me to be frens with ppl?? is it because of face problem?

haiz, y do ppl look down on ppl who r ugly, whose results r like shyt, whose character and personality sucks, who is nt as modern and trendy as other ppl. this world seriously sucks, y r humans made in this way?

2011-01-23T15:35:00.002+08:00

what a reality in this world, u have bad results, ppl look down on u

u have good results, ppl try to be ur fren and think of advantages

haiz, its like wtf~i cant believe my fren in sec sch knew of my results and suan me alreadt(indirectly)...

nvm, i shall let everyone look down on me then~

2010-12-21T12:16:00.002+08:00

seriously, i think the team should have a proper standard of choosing the ppl in the committee. The way they choose now does not even give a chance to other ppl besides me, its plain useless just asking us to vote for the captain and vice captain, i think we should all vote for every post in the committee as well as interviewing the team members one by one, well, at least we will noe y we were never chosen.

2010-12-21T02:27:00.002+08:00

haiz, the people chosen for the 2011 committee had been revealed and well, i am sad.

firstly, i am sad because i was not chosen to be inside and the thing is the ppl chosen to be inside, r like ~ well, i have no comments for the year 2s and above but the year 1s, haiz, i dare to say that if i were more active in the CCA for my year 1, i could have easily got a post in the committee because of my sec sch experience...haiz, really, i feel like just leaving this CCA but i am interested in it, not as in the CCA but the performing art, seriously, i never was one of the considering person to be in their fun, in their jokes, in their serious talks, haiz...i really felt left out here. Seriously~ just in case any of my fellow CCAmates were to see this blog, pls dun go round spreading it, thanks alot. i mean like, honestly, wad benefits will there be if more ppl noe about this blog? because all the things i write here is meant for me to just spill it out because i have no frens or chatting buddy to tok to about my stuffs. the more ppl noe, the more trouble i get, i would say

do i even excel in anything that i do? this world is just meant for the gifted~

2010-12-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

a few days ago~i was looking through facebook and i found the star call by SOO YOUNG,

as i dun understand korean, i assume that its the star call for the SM entertainment,

so i went to search in the net and saw that other agencies r also recruiting talents,

at that time, i really have the thought of going for the audition but...i dun have skills at all~

i cant sing, i cant dance, i cant act, i cant be a model...

what can i do? whenever i see her picture, my heart feel veri heavy, maybe i just dun have the lucky of being a celebrity~but ultimately i have a wish of getting famous by doing great animation in the future but the thing is, i cant even do a simple pantomine and a monologue, how wishful of me to think of being a good animator?

seriously, i nvr tried singing before but is it true that everyone can sing? i dun think it works for everybody...is it true that everyone can dance? i dun think it works as well...

2010-11-28T01:24:00.003+08:00

just had my birthday 3 days ago, finally 18, so i can learn to drive!!
well, nth much to say about my birthday, my wish is actually to have everyone be healthy
nice wish right, well, i dun see the need for my wish to be some other thing else,
coz the nth beats the emotional hurt when someone goes away...

anyway, SOO YOUNG <3

i kind of feel lonely nowadays, for some reasons that i dun noe, haiz, everytime i think of soo young, my heart feels veri heavy, the fact that it is impossible cant seem to get into my mind, i really hate myself, !!!, am i gonna be emo again? am i?

2010-11-17T02:57:00.002+08:00

Every night is a torturing moment,

I always have this habit of thinking what i had done before i go to sleep,

But now, all i think about is her,

the thought of cannot have her,

the thought of cannot see her,

I do not know what has gotten over me,

But i just cannot get the fact into my mind.

Every night, i cannot even sleep,

Whenever i close my eyes,

Thoughts of her just keep flashing through my head.

How i wish its possible that i do not have to sleep,

So i do not have to go through such torment.

I feel like drinking till i am dead drunk.

2010-11-13T20:18:00.004+08:00

its been so long since i post something here, haha, its more like a shout box to me lah, my blog
anyway, recently i looked up on SNSD and found a girl nt that outstanding but she is the only one who caught my eyes when i look through the MVs, she's CHOI SOO YOUNG!! i noe its impossible for me to get her but i just cant get that into my head as i look through more and more of their MVs and her videos. sometimes i really feel like crying coz the the fact that i cant get her shoots my heart. its just so saddening, i am really SOO YOUNG <3 only ~

2010-08-29T21:50:00.003+08:00

I JUST FEEL SO SAD NOW!!
i went to rebond my hair today but in the end i found out that i spent 70 dollars on only a hair cut...
how sad

2010-08-05T10:05:00.002+08:00

TODAY marks the last day of my YEAR 2 Sem 1!! i dun noe whether to be happy or not coz its gonna be job finding time when i cant even find a job that i wan to work in which is to work in a pet shop!! crap this, its been 1 week since i last seen the bus 99 girl, i been trying to get the correct time to board the correct bus but... this week i tried 3 times, i just cant see her, i seriously have that kind of feeling of missing her, lols!! she is older than me for god's sake!! hope i can see her soon which is like 2 months and some weeks later!! crap, its 2 months... TWO MONTHS...

2010-07-15T09:19:00.002+08:00

back to post after close to a month, lols, anyway, nt much thing to say

lols, i saw a girl yesterday at bus 99 but too bad she was in SIM which means older, and i was thinking if i will get to see her today and guess wad? i saw her again!! omgomg, !!!!

2010-05-28T03:29:00.002+08:00

Y am i losing my friends 1 by 1, haiz...

its really crap...

first i start to lose friends in my class, and now

those ppl that i got to know in WUSHU, all drifting away from me 1 by 1!!

is there something wrong with me that offended u all?

or is it my own thinking that u all r drifting away?

haiz, today at wushu training, i shouldn't have even talk...

and when i talk, i wanted to say something but in the end to u all, its like i am shooting the others, i am not...seriously, anyway, u ppl in wushu will nvr get to see wad i type here because no one noes about my blog...haiz, and nw if i were to tell u all i got a blog, u all will think that i tell u all about my blog is to u all them read about this feeling of mine!! AHHH, its really crap, nvm

its time i go back to my emo self again, i was once happy and nvr emo for even 1 min and i am already glad that i am able to do that, but nw, its just.....forget it...

sometimes, when u think that u have nt hurt anyone, actually u have hurt he/she deeply

2010-05-26T08:44:00.002+08:00

back here to post some lame stuffs going on my mind~

after hearing wad my classmate said in class today,

i was thinking...so wad is the best way to do and chiong ur assignment?

it is to make doing and chionging ur assignment part of ur life!!

so how to do that? well, its the same way as to make playing the computer part of ur life!!

haiz, easier said than done right? i wonder how those veri imba ppl find chionging assignments fun?

2010-05-23T15:47:00.003+08:00

the feeling of skipping wushu training is coming back!! ahhh, crap

should have gone for all the trainings last yr,

if nt it would not be difficult for me to at least be able to do some of the routines!!

haiz...

so i will be doing san jie gun and gun for IVP, hope i get in the selection thingy

and there's this YOG thing!! AHHH

2010-05-23T15:45:00.000+08:00

listening to the song "One Step At A Time" reminds me of my O level days!!

LOL, i am lame, anyway, its like a song that accompanied me through my sec 4 life!!

2010-05-20T08:47:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really hate ppl who look down on other people...

its like they look down on people because they think u r useless and u r uglier than them...

its like wtf~

they just pretend nt to noe u even though they ur classmates

in fact i dun think they r good looking anyway, they just merely noe a few more things and a few more skills...

2010-05-18T00:57:00.002+08:00

back here to say something going on in my mind!!

haha, its actually that i feel really hard to skip wushu training

there's is just a feeling that keeps me from skipping training

but i have no choice coz i got work to do!!

its so crap

its the feeling when i was in sec sch in scouts!!

LOL, come to think of it, i think its quite long since i go back to scouts!!

dam!

2010-05-05T01:03:00.001+08:00

no one ever shares my misery
no one ever know who i really am inside

does anyone knows how lonely am i?

2010-05-02T04:10:00.002+08:00

some ppl are born with a pretty face

while some~you know~

its just how simple and fast that they can make a large network of friends

while the latter~how difficult to even have one~

but the thing is they have all kinds of friends

while the latter~true friend(s)~

~SO you know how difficult to even have one true friend YA~

2010-04-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

all she does is to complain and complain and she nvr does anything like him...

would she sacrifice her evening time just to do wad he does for me?

would she spend her money on wad he does for the house?

i just dun understand y must she be so money minded!!

2010-03-31T02:09:00.002+08:00

currently in loft@94!! HAHA, saw two yuan ching ppl come for 3DO!! but y only two?? others go other course?? HAHA, so gd being a GM!!

2010-03-09T01:41:00.002+08:00

about halfway through the holidays liao~ went into DA!!

dun noe whether is it the real results or nt

coz i just have this feeling that its weird to see the big diff between the IM and DA intake~

anyway, since the thingy says i go into DA, hehe~ that's it...its finally time to work hard before my GPA goes right into the btm!!

19 march will be the results if i am nt wrong, wonder how will i fare for this sem?

lols

and i really wan to see my timetable for next sem coz i hope mon will nt be a hectic day coz i got jap class at night~

and yes~at night~ the time to lie on the sofa and watch TV!!

anyway, got 3 new "juniors", i sound so like....

just hope we can study together coz my general ele 1 like shyt and i want to study with them if nt i cant catch up in ele 2!!

2010-02-23T04:39:00.003+08:00

i am back blogging, like yay~

anyway, who cares!!

its finally the holidays that the poly students are waiting for!!

well, maybe for my course and some others which have their holidays early

and ya, y am i here to blog?

i just wan to tok about HTC diamond 2 that i bought last yr, well, it looks sleek or maybe nt, a little boxy and rectanglish, and ya, the interface is cool but one thing is, its nt user friendly!! to me i guess, just my comment, i mean cant they just put everything shown in one simple tab call the settings...its really confusing, lols, anyway, more and more phones r showing their potential to the world but each of them r trying to be different and different until its ridiculously similar to each other...so what's the point of being diff?? might as well have only one company that produces 1 electrical appliance...and there will be no more copyright and infringement issues surfacing~

2010-01-31T22:29:00.002+08:00

kind of high these few days, lol!!

just thinking about schoolwork is crazy

but eating bi bim bap is more crazy!!

anyway, to those who reads my blog(dun even noe if have anot)

||everyone has their problems and difficulties so just try to understand||

2010-01-16T15:21:00.016+08:00

here is the only place where i can just say out my feelings with no one to care!! i really will feel quite relieve after blasting out my thoughts here...

FIRST POST OF THE YEAR AND FIRST POST ON THE FIRST EVENT FOR SCOUTS OF THE YEAR~

having alot of mixed feelings for this first event, its just like the field day last yr, i just cant get things right!!

all along from sec 1 till sec 4, i have been doing things that my seniors asked me to do and all i noe is just do it without questions but when it comes to being a venture, i cant possibly let myself still follow people and do things they asked me to without a mindset for myself, but the thing is i really cant do it nw being a venture, who is able to do tasks without much trivial problems, y do i just keep getting problems in the end, i noe its because of my laziness that i nvr think through the tasks given to me thoroughly and i should nt find excuses to avoid the problems. But nw i just have to make a veri big excuse for myself to believe that i still can continue to improve and that is, i did nt really have a chance to experience this kind of matters when i was sec 2 and sec 3 because all around are gd leaders and i dun even need to do anything and just follow orders when i was a PL.

Being a PL is nt as easy as it seems to be, i can say that no PL have ever encountered these problems before but i have, and that is, i cant even control my members when i was a PL, i dun wish to put names to whom are my members last time but seriously thinking, have they ever really listened to me or its the other way, it became i listened to them...

This maybe the reasons why i have nvr scolded anyone in scouts before even if i noe that person is in wrong and i have the authority to punish. Now i ask those juniors and wad they think about me is i am a 'gd' venture. This may seems to be a positive comment but let me say where am i gd at, i am gd at nt scolding them at all, and letting them bully...is this counted as good?

I dun even have the courage to shout in front of them and correct them if they r wrong, how can i be a venture? Being a venture, basic leadership skills are the most basic requirement and who will have the patience to slowly pass this skills to me? For me, i dun think Sir will have the patience to correct me because i am just lacked of it.

I was thinking just nw when i had my laptop set up, truthfully, i did not even do the video at all, its all computer work and i only need like 3 mins to do and i can have such nice effects, sometimes i just wan to prove that i can do it, but i just cant no matter how hard i tried or is it just that i nvr tried hard enough? or am i just wasting my time and ppl's time trying to prove something that i cant achieve?

Who will not like to be in command and ppl look up to u?? i dun even think i am even at a PL's standard...even a decent PIC i also need help at every point. Come to think of it, i seriously have no face to face the other leaders from the other sch because i messed up the entire field day and even cause a sch to leave without playing...and with this background of mine which is messing things up, who will even look up to me?

I AM JUST A FAILURE~

2009-12-24T19:07:00.002+08:00

anyone had fun outside today??

for me, kind of boring at home...

sometimes when i look at my handphone, i would just wish i see a msg but, after years of looking, nah...

i sound like a girl!! OMG

anyway guys have emotions too lah, maybe i am just too emotional...

how does it feels like to be in love? guess i would nt feel it~

well, i just hope that girls r willing to tok to me can liao...nth much to wish for...

by the way, do i sound pitiful? lol, guess ppl might think that way when they look through my blog(nt trying to pinpoint anyone, dun get the wrong meaning)

but...this is just who am i and if u all were me, i think u all will think likewise...

2009-12-24T03:20:00.002+08:00

went through some blogs of ppl and thought that, my blog is really plain, no events, no pics, nothing except emoness...

maybe i am kind of silly to post all my emoness here, without the scouts, i think i will really be alone...but seriously, just that mere 8 days with them, it really made me forget all the loneliness...

its really a kind of feeling, a bond that i have with them even if our age gap is 4 yrs, nobody would understand it...that night when i met them in school just feels like yesterday...it would be good if i can just rewind back the time...

2009-12-12T19:58:00.000+08:00

just got a HTC diamond 2 and regretted...
should have check out other phones!!

2009-12-06T15:36:00.001+08:00

i think i have a phobia of girls

and likewise, girls definitely have phobia of me coz i am too ugly!!

HAHAHA~so lame

2009-12-03T17:41:00.001+08:00

its just a beginning...

of cold war

lol, my nihon sensei speaks hokkien!!

2009-12-02T16:37:00.002+08:00

just like wad he had said, i have no frens...

without the 1m01s, i have no one to play dota with...

i am so noob that i have to play one whole month of dota...

so noob that i can only play with AIs

but...has anyone thought that since this sem i started to play dota, i hang out with the group more?

its the only topic i can tok with u all about...

y would i waste my time playing dota for so long?

maybe u all think that i am just faking it but without dota, i tok wad?

in his eyes i am just a worthless person...right irwan??

if nt u will nt giv those eerie laughter and sarcastic remarks...

u dare say u dun hate me??

2009-12-02T14:24:00.001+08:00

just wan to say something to the group

i did nt wan to be emo and giv the buay song face again

but u all have to understand that my quarrel with irwan cant be settled in one day

hanging out with u all nw will only make the atmosphere worst

if anyone of u was me when quarreling with him, i can be sure u all will think the same way as me

but nw, its me...

if u all cant accept me as ur fren again then so be it ba

i started with nothing so i will just end it with nothing

i may sound petty but nvm, i shan't say more if not someone will say i am acting nice and pathetic...

2009-12-02T14:09:00.005+08:00

To Kim

i am veri sry that i nvr go with u all on tuesday even though its ur birthday but if i were to go i will only cause the atmosphere to be...

like i said the problem lies with me...if someone were to say u act nice and pathetic to get frens, how will u feel?

there is no way for me to communicate with someone who say me to be like this, unless u all also think i act nice and pathetic which may be true coz i dun noe wad am i doing myself...

i am trying to tell irwan wad ppl will dislike about him and wad do i get? sarcasm from him...

anyway i noe i am stupid to tell him that but i seriously cannot take it...being so full of himself when he is so...

i am so sorry to say that, but u all can take it, i cant...so its my prob...

i myself dun really have any rights to say him coz i myself is also not perfect but i am only trying to help him and in the end? being called as a hypocrite~

so gd lo...

so i help him become a hypocrite lor...then just let me be one lor, one who goes round acting nice and pathetic to get frens lor.....

2009-12-01T10:17:00.003+08:00

trying to " ACT NICE AND PATHETIC "

just like what somebody wanted me to...

he should be happy isn't he?

anyway, its Kim's birthday today so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

be at ur peak of happiness in ur once in a year day~K...its lame

sometimes~kind of envy ppl in love~the feeling is.............

2009-11-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF~

nobody seems to remember it, anyway, it does nt bother~

2009-11-16T13:40:00.002+08:00

the lame shyt guy is back to post~!!

wushu competition on nov 7 and...

i manage to complete my routine but did nt do it well!!

lol...will try hard next round

school's the same, busy all day long!

except that i have been slacking instead of doing work

2009-11-06T16:01:00.002+08:00

its a long time since i post my last~

anyways, who cares?

just realised that Korean woman r chio and Jap woman r cute(it doesn't really applies to all)

i think other ppl already knew it before i do~i am slow!!

lessons have been quite relaxing actually except for the assignments given to us or maybe i am lazy to do!! LOL

tomorrow is the day!! the day of the competition!! really scared i will forget my routine when i see the judges!

hope that does not happen coz NP is the hosting school of this competition and i dun wan to disgrace the sch~

anyway~to the DKS, i noe i am quite pervertic at times or maybe everytime? but if i dun, i cant really communicate with u all, LOL~ y would u all listen to my life stories?? its boring right?

sometimes i think i just can bond with u all, anyways, i think its prob ba~

haiz, sometimes i feel like going back to my emo self~i think its better for me to be alone? haiz

2009-10-24T17:04:00.003+08:00

first week of sch gone~quite fast actually coz everyday u do different things

yesterday MR AGUS came to class to brief us on this sem...he became younger!! lol

and yea, he said next yr each of us have to choose the stream we want to go to, DA and IM

for DA, cannot fail the drawing modules!!

i am so dead~drawing is the thing that i cant do!!

anyways, i believe i can overcome drawing!!

ALL THE BEST 1M01!!

2009-10-20T16:56:00.003+08:00

can i close this blog?

first day of sch and today is the second~

this time no more Anita, sad...

anyways, this sem has coming to be more like wad i wanted to do when i join this course~

the only obstacle is the drawing!!!

no matter wad, i will not give up, its only drawing wad~no pain!!

joined sports climbing which is actually rock climbing for SW~actually its no more space for other sports liao so take sports climbing

lol, ya yan join basketball, haha!!

lets just work our way to a high GPA 1M01!!

2009-10-13T16:19:00.003+08:00

back to mapling after noobing in DOTA

well, there aren't noobs in maple only lazy ppl who r lazy to train or maybe nt determine enough...

maybe that is y there r no quarrels in maple between maplers

unlike DOTA where "ur father my mother" keep shooting out~

except that maple is boring...

u r like grinding for hours in front of the comp and nth constructive comes out??

anyways, having high lvl in maple is no use lah, it does not help in life~

makes u happy for that moment u lvled and the first time u use the skill and after that...yea~

2009-10-13T12:36:00.002+08:00

once a noob forever a noob~

even if u had improved a little, u r still a noob in their eyes...

just because u had left an impression of weakness in them...

sch's starting, lets just work hard to get gd GPA!

is BGR that fun? it just brings misery~

do they have a guidebook on BGR?

2009-10-02T11:17:00.002+08:00

haiz...

like i said on my msn nick...

if teaming with me in dota will make you all lose, then y call me?

i dun wan to make it so miserable for you all to play in the same team as i am and you all try nt to scold me when its a losing game from the start...

no work = no money

no money = no rebonding

sound abit funny for guys to rebond their hair but for me, i just wan to noe wad it feels like to have STRAIGHT hair

LOL, curly hair good meh?

To me, nah~

2009-10-02T05:45:00.002+08:00

wishing for a scout chalet soon!!

last yr's was nt that fun but nice!!

so this yr's(if have), make it more fun!!

lols

have been watching the japanese batsu games and its kind of fun!! except for the punishments...

but wad's a game with only gd things and no forfeits? there must be both to make it balance!!

LOLs

So i was thinking maybe can make the chalet to be a batsu game !!

HEHEHEHE~

2009-10-01T04:58:00.003+08:00

second post of the day~lame...

actually its to just flood my blog so it will nt be plain although no ppl views it

the night time is the best time to think through ur mind before u refresh it for something new the next day...my point of view~

y the night time? coz there are no buses and not much cars outside driving causing the zoom sound and nt much human walking and toking where i can hear...

so thinking back at 18 sep when i got my results...i am not surprised that i got this kind of GPA coz i have nvr been a bright student in my 10 yrs of uniformed school and will nvr be one...

well, i really wanted to get into this course which is 15 points based on last yr's COP and so i did my usual last min revision for Os and just go for it and made it to this course...

for those who noe my for the past 9 yrs before Os, nobody would expect me to get this L1R4 score and until prelims for O, my calculated L1R4 was 30 plus, cant even go anywhere.

this blog was nt seen by any of my relatives so i am going to say this...the fact is that everyone in my family looked down on me...or rather noe that i cant make it to this course so they even prepared the worst~retain...the best thing is my uncle who teaches at ITE even tell me there r gd courses in ITE which i can go if i cannot make it to poly

lol~i have nth much to say about that and to me, i would rather everyone look down on me than putting pressure on me...i read one of my fren's blog and she wrote that her mother commented on her when she got back her GPA and she got hurt by the comment...

sometimes i think parents have different thinking from us and their thinking is like that kind veri olden de...they should change as the times goes by and try to understand the study pressure that some of us r facing...its no choice that we have to study because without education, u can say byebye but different students have their speed of studying.

out of my closest cousins, i am the worst and i saw the power of smart ppl, one of my cousin just glance through a page with 16 hiragana and she could memorise it?? just glancing for like 2 mins...maybe is i am stupid that i find this believable~LOL

its kind of boring at home alone and only the computer...its just sucks!! lol

so my only way to express myself is to crap into this blog!!

and the best thing is no one will view it and no one will noe wad i am writing so i can CRAP!!

haiz...lame~

2009-10-01T04:12:00.002+08:00

its been raining past 2 nights and tonight!! so cooling!!

class of adults with special backgrounds~guess wad?

marriage when first yr of poly!! 17 yrs old?

another married to a japanese husband!!

LOLs its lame!

school's starting soon...and i am sure everyone had change their appearance except me!

maybe next term for me ba~

rotting at home!

2009-09-30T04:25:00.002+08:00

still bored at home!!

my life is totally opposite~i sleep in the day and play at night!

its bad...

have been playing dota lately and can seems to play properly

maybe i really dun noe the basics of playing dota like wad bolin told me,

so i went to check out how to play dota but serious wad those article wrote about playing dota...

i noe already, wad is most important is have to experience it urself~

well, this is a game after all...theories on games dun really help!!

all the killing and running and backstabbing and ganging!! figure out oneself~

seriously i dun noe wad is wrong with (YOU)

i play other times i end up keep dying and feeding coz i chiong then kena scolding...

this time i play i coward abit so i dun chiong then nvr die still kena scolding...

wad is the problem ??

i ask you to tell me wad is the fault u find in me...you dun wan say...still say everyone has a different style of playing...

r u having some kind of matters bothering you?

since u say everyone have their own style of playing then in the first place you should nt have said me...

wad is the problem with getting scolded by the team mates?

its common? dun you get scolding sometimes too?

u ask me to reflect then y dun you scroll back the conversation in msn and read wad the hell you r trying to say before you ask me to reflect...

i admit i am a noob and i have nvr said that i am a pro before!!

2009-09-24T14:38:00.004+08:00

Nth particularly to post~

A group of working adults can be like small kids during classes! LOL

was watching On Air for the past few days at 3am!! haha~Kim Ha Neul

kind of bored too! i think i can say byebye to Dota!

just realised yesterday when i look through ppl blogs that everyone is working!

well, i also wanted to work but can also say lazy to find ba~

then again, my sec sch teacher told me that when i have to the time to take a break and play during the schooling times, i should enjoy it and dun really go outside to work unless really in need of money coz when we really step into the working society, there isn't much chances for us to relax like now without worries!

SO, i think i shall use this as an excuse not to work!! but for the next big holiday which will be in March(if i am not wrong), I WILL WORK!! haha

about the camp from 10 to 12 sept, well it was a fun one! one thing is that not many ppl go and that is a gd thing if not the whole camp will be in a mess!

Well, the residents at Sister's Island did join us for the camp and took one of the patrol's loaf of bread! leaving none for the patrol to eat, LOL

hope for another camp!

have been going back to sec sch to see them clean the camping EQs after the camp~thinking back its much relax in sec sch! or maybe i feel this way coz its still holidays, haha

but if i were to be like the sec students again sitting in class listening to the teacher lecture, i dun think i can do it

LOL

2009-09-06T07:48:00.001+08:00

Its raining quite heavily now!!

LOVE THE RAIN!!!

2009-08-28T05:14:00.002+08:00

HELLO!!

the chalet was 'fun'!!

had BBQ on the first night with like few ppl but overall i think we enjoyed ba!!

lols

then midnight went to play truth or dare then hehehe~

then help them pack the chalet room and sleep

kim came in to wake us at 12 plus if i am nt wrong then eat spaghetti then went to rent bike

rode to somewhere then it started raining then ride back

then wait awhile, we all went to pasir ris mac fetch joaquim's galfren, bought mac and ride back to return bike and eat!!

then went to jacuzzi and swim lols!! some hanky panky~

then OTOT for everyone, went to wei xi's room chat

then drink~

shi hao's frens came with a bottle of Bailey!! coffee flavour...BEST!

then watch them play the card game~

ACE to 5 = Assign card

6 = Play big fish and small fish

7 = Play 7 up

8 = Toilet card

9 = Hands at chin(last to follow drink)

10 = Hands on ear(last to follow drink)

JACK = forget!! lols

QUEEN = Rule canceler

KING = Bartender

then shi hao drink until gone~

went back to wei xi's room chat

then collapse!!

then wake up packed up

waited for the person IC to check the place and off we go!

take shuttle bus to pasir ris MRT and eat mac there and train home!

bolin say wan another chalet and i can say....i will be the first one to say going even if it is EX! lols

it doesn't really bothers me if veri little ppl go for it coz the most important is that we have fun!! am i right? lols even if we have to call other frens come and they on~it is still fun!!

well...i just hope if there is another chalet the whole 20 1M01 will come for it even if its just for one day coz we will split next yr le~

2009-08-27T14:27:00.000+08:00

Back From Chalet!!

2009-08-22T00:02:00.002+08:00

i rather being in a poor family where i get love and care from them than to be in a okok income family where i have nobody!!!

i can seriously say no one understands me AT ALL...family are no exceptions

do you all know that i envy all of you where you all have family that cares? huh?

you all can nvr expect i am like this coz although i show emo face but i still try to be happy~

right now...that is seriously no one i can confide in!!

all i can do is post all the crap i have in mind here in my blog...who really understands me??!!

it is nt that i wan to be like this but can YOU ALL PLEASE just try to understand me??

if i am so hated by the world~aren't i better off dead?

seriously WTF!! i really cant take this anymore~i have nvr scolded in my blog and this will be the first time i am scolding!!

WHAT THE FUCK!!

2009-08-20T07:54:00.002+08:00

its like going to be 8 soon and 2 more hours to presentation~

saw Mr Agus, and asked him what is the presentation like...

he said going to talk about the thinking process of the last project of FCP and the research done

and this means....it has nth to do with presenting your mind map or road map and portfolio mock up??

LOLS~dun noe lah...we'll see how it goes!!

seeing people with their dreams in future and the future career they want to have just makes me think about mine~lols

well, for me...i wan to be a policeman~

thinking back to pri 1~never would i thought of ending up in MMA in NP!!

lols...too young to think that far maybe?

lets just say sec 1 rather...see new classmates and the atmosphere is somewhat different...

from pri sch though we are still studying and studying and still studying

all we thought is play eat and sleep~

actually...i dun noe wad am i toking now~

so wad i wan to say is time flies!!

so do things while u still can before its too late to regret!!

2009-08-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday YaYan~

lols...i think i was the only one nvr wish her birthday then she have to ask for it!!
actually went to school in the morning...then go meet fren then halfway stomachache!!
take cab chiong home and relief~lols

then birthday girl msg ask me meet at 2.30 at clementi in the end she wait too long,
she go city hall first...best!!

walk to sg flyer to take and its like ok...
should have brought cam along~took some skys with handphone and the sky like freaking fake!!
haha
take some pics during the 'flight' then like okok....
then next went to eat at marina square and she was complaining about her classmates~

heard that eat too much honeydew will get diabetes...beware honeydew eaters!!

then train to KAP mac and she go for her jap class~
LOL!!

2009-08-17T04:35:00.000+08:00

A new blog skin for a new person!

hopefully after the holidays, i will be a better person
well, of coz i do need help from people!
so anyone who is willing to help me, i will be glad!!

2009-08-15T01:05:00.002+08:00

just 1 last module~

and 6 weeks of heheheheh~

2009-08-11T23:39:00.001+08:00

kind of cute isn't she? lols

one day...hmmmms

you'll see

2009-08-09T10:08:00.002+08:00

Just came back from an old gathering...

had 4 and a half cans of tiger beer...

talk to them about me...to noe wad is my problem...

thanks these guys!

Focus and Solve~

2009-08-08T20:39:00.002+08:00

Here to apologise to everyone in 1M01 and to those who regard me as their friend~

Well, spent the whole saturday thinking through and its really my fault why all these things happened to me. All this while, i have been complaining to everyone why these and that happened to me and never really thought about the feelings of everyone. I guess this is me, and i really hate it. I have been so selfish to everyone and expect everything and everyone to suit my way and i expect even more from everyone. This is why everyone is getting so tired of my behaviour and i just realised it today. I really have to change to allow people to feel comfortable with me around. So from today onwards, the change starts~

I dun change for people, but for myself whom i want to be a better person and let people accept me~Live for myself and not for people~

2009-08-08T13:19:00.002+08:00

seen this somewhere and heard it somewhere~

true friends accept you for what you are...

true friends try to understand you for what you are...

i think its quite true~who want friends that don't understand you?

well~for me, i think i cant have any coz i am like this~its like i cant have a day without pissing someone off...

maybe this is really who am i~but of coz i noe that this version of me is really annoying, i find it annoying too...

so after the holidays! expect~

2009-08-08T12:23:00.003+08:00

no matter what, life still has to go on...

death is really nt the way to settle things...

with frens or without frens...one has to live for themselves...

must learn how to face the reality and not run away from it...

will adopt a dog or something when i am able to...my only companion~

finding a job at the Night Safari~i dun even noe how to write a resume!!

ahhhh~

2009-08-08T00:48:00.002+08:00

i really have nothing more to say already or maybe i dun even say anything...

i am just wondering...without even getting to know more about me and y will i be like this,

you all expect me to change like overnight? what more can i say?

i myself dun really know u all well too but there must be a reason behind everything...

but who bothers to find out?? all you all know is to just keep asking me to change, to change, to change???

i am trying!!

but all you all will say is that i am not even trying? no one even bothers how i feel? must it always be the weaker side that you all are concerned about?

2009-08-07T05:00:00.001+08:00

quoted from wei loon~

If loving you turned into a pressurised moment, then i rather i don't love you at all~i just wan you to be happy!

lols~i like this phrase!